Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
