His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
