what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
