my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
