My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
