Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
