is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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