capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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