Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
