You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
