you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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