i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
