YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
