i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
