we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
