Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
