clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
