He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
