No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
