If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
