I accidentally burped into my bong.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
