Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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