we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
