I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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