i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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