My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
