you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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