Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
