I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
