I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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