grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
