Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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