I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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