i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
