I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
