I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
