Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
