Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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