Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
