Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
