Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
