FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
