you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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