I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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