I wanna passion pit in your ass
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
