Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
