Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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