how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How's work?
Spinning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
