yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
