I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
