mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
