whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
