Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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