okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We left the knife in your bed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
